An Itchy Tale

Once upon a time there were three blind lice, one deaf lice, and The Artist Formally Known as Lice.

They all went up the clock, and discovered it was hairy and scary! Being the lice that they were hairy and scary, felt very homey.

One day the five lice jumped on the backs of the three blind mice, they knew what was about to happen to the mice but decided to roll the dice.

The rolled dice showed two 2s. Two little ducks as it is known in the industry. This meant only four lice had to move onto ducks, leaving one lonely homey lice with the mice. So, the lice had to decide which lonely lice had to stay with the mice. To decide, they had to work out who could fit on a cube of ice.

The poor crazy lice had to choose who should sit on the tiny cube of ice. No, not rice, ice! Which one of the lice was bold enough to sit cold?

The lice soon realized they weren’t getting anywhere and The Artist Formally Known as Lice pushed one blind lice onto the ice. The remaining four lice rode the ducks to the park.

The ducks then went into the pond. Being scared of the water the lice jumped off the ducks, except for one of the blind lice as he didn’t know where they were going. Down that blind lice went.

The remaining blind lice, deaf lice and The Artist Formally Known as Lice began to argue which one of the lice should guide them to their next destination.

The blind lice, being blind, couldn’t see where to go. The deaf lice had trouble asking for directions, and The Artist Formally Known as Lice only wanted to find Valhalla. So, in the end they took each other by their fore-legs and strolled together to find whatever came.

Holy Gebus! The first thing that pooped up was a small hairy giant names Gebus! The lice, leg in leg, hopped on Gebus and went for a traveling feast.

As the three lice traveled down Gebus’ back, they approached a deep crevasse. The last blind lice couldn’t see why the other two were getting concerned, but did start to smell something funny.

Suddenly, The Artist Formally Known as Lice slipped…

He screamed “Oh shit!” as he descended to the murky depths. It was at this point that The Artist Formally Known as Lice was lost forever! Left behind was a blind lice and a deaf lice.

The deaf lice screamed to the blind lice “What are we going to do now?!” The blind lice replied “I don’t know”, but the deaf lice couldn’t hear anything as expected, so the deaf lice tried to communicate in sign language.

But the blind lice, being not able to see, didn’t know what Deafy was signing. What were they to do?

Blindy, Feeling a little lonely not hearing the voice of The Artist Formally Known as Lice, wandered on his own. Deafy, as he liked to be called, decided to follow Blindy as he wandered off. During this walkabout, the lices (yes, lices) were on Gebus. Gebus felt an itch. Like any regular mini giant, Gebus scratched the itch with his main finger. The scratching motion transported Deafy and Blindy to Gebus’ head – top wise, TOP WISE!

It was a nice view from the top of the wiener giant, although Blindy couldn’t witness it (unfortunately, he was unable to see, being blind and all) he could sense the excitement in Deafy’s vibrations. Yay, vibrations!

In his despair Blindy began to once again feast on the meat of Gebus. As he ate, he grew and grew and grew some more, to the extend Gebus seemed to have an odd shaped tumor on his head. Still, Blindy ate, so desperate to know what was so exciting.

Eventually, as tragedies seem to occur, Blindy fell forward from Gebus. Falling hard to the ground and turning into a murky pool of Gebus brain. The young gentle giant, now with little more sense than ‘AFKAL’ who fell into the vast crevasse-ass-ass, failed to notice or care about the slippery pool of an ex-blindy, stepped in it and “stacked it” without a helmet.

Gebus brains oozed out onto the pavement. Deafy quickly swam to safety, not wanting to experience a similar doom to that of his lice-mates. As Deafy got back on his feet, he thought he heard something. Something like a ‘snap’. But, that couldn’t be! Deafy was deaf and… unable to hear…

SNAP!

It happened again. Could some kind of miracle have occurred when the great Gebus passed?

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

It was something Deafy had only seen in books.

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!.............

A SNAPPING WIENER!!!!!

Deafy, now formally known as Deafy, was so thrilled to get his hearing back and was scared shitless to see the Snapping Wiener approach him. Then he thought “Who left the door open?!?!” - It has been widely documented that Snapping Wiener will get in if you leave the door open.

*Insert Jaws music here* [Slow motion scene]

SNAaap! SNAaap! As FKAD cast his eyes toward the door.. [Fade to black]

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!